Defining
by MIonthia
Summary: Buffy is pushed with Angel into the Acaltha Hellscape. What happened afterward was... Unexpected. One-shot. (PS. I spelled Angelus wrong every time, but I'm not changing it so sorry.)


Buffy Summers swung the sword up as her ex-lover fell to his knees. His eyes flashed and he groaned in a sudden pain. Buffy paused. If there was any hope that he would return to her - not as Angelous, but as Angel - she couldn't stop herself from wanting it with all of her. She stood there, panting, mostly in anticipation. Part of her wasn't sure she could kill him, even now, even after all he'd done; he still wore the face of the man she loved and would always love.

He sniffled, moving with a slight shake as he looked back up to Buffy. She felt her heart break - no, not break. It had been broken the moment Angel had lost himself in the curse that was forced upon him. No, now it was her soul that she felt withering. It was the burn in her eyes that tears carried as a warning. The _pain_ in his eyes made her want to hold him and kiss him until the world faded away and they were all that was left. No demons, no vampires, no curses. Only them.

"Buffy?" He asked in a small voice. Confusion was evident, though it turned to shock, she believed, as he took in the situation. He took a breath, looking away from her weapon that she still gripped in the air. "What's goin' on?" Buffy, with wide eyes and pain so obvious a blind man could see, slowly lowered the sword. Suspicion still shook her and Buffy reminded herself not to drop it, leveling it at her shoulder. She gaped at Angel. Tears were starting to run down her cheeks and a dangerous lump grew in her throat but she ignored it, her eyes solely focused on him. On every line in his face, every wrinkle in his black shirt, every drop of water clouding his vision, and every shake, though small, in his usually clear voice.

There was no one there with them except a vampire laying unconscious on the floor; Buffy hadn't the moment to stake him yet, being immediately attacked by Angelous. For a brief moment, she wondered what would happen if he woke up, or had already woken up by the noise of Spike grabbing Drusilia and running for any hills outside of Sunnydale. Angel stood up, his voice breaking even more now that he stared at her bewildered eyes and battle-ready weapon. "I - I don't remember..." He trailed off, seemingly unnoticing as Buffy started to bring the sword down. _He's lost_ , she thought, almost slipping her lips.

Buffy blinked, finally, looking him over quickly. "Angel?" She asked, chest aching tremendously.

He swallowed and touched her arm as light as a feather. "You're hurt," he pointed out, worry an adding layer to his shaken demeanor. Buffy wasn't sure if it was her who moved closer, stepping into his embrace. He gasped her name into her neck. "God," he exhaled with an obvious effort to lighten the tension, "I feel like I haven't seen ya in months." Buffy closed her eyes in his arms. It was like all the evil of the world had come undone, all the knots in her stomach finally loosening. Angel continued in his shaky voice. "Everything's so muddled - I - Agh." He breathed her in and kissed her shoulder briefly, an assurance to himself that she was real.

Something spoke, however. Not spoke, Buffy realized as she opened her eyes to see the portal in the demon statue Angelous had activated opening. Yellow and black starting swirling before her, growing bigger. She remembered the warning her friends had given her; if it wasn't closed, it would suck everything into a Hell dimension.

And now it was open. And Angel was the only way to shut it. Buffy had to kill him. Tears seeped out of her eyes more furiously now as she knew what she had to do.

Buffy pulled away, only slightly, and looked into Angel's eyes. "What's happening?" He asked, like a little boy who had just been lost in a store.

"Shh. Don't worry about it," Buffy said, caressing his face. She kissed him like she had the night they had made love. Tenderly, and it conveyed every word they'd never needed to say. _I love you. With everything I am, I love you._ The portal grew bigger behind Angel. His death warrant, one Buffy had to force herself to sign.

Their lips, entwined, tasted of the salt they both leaked. "I love you," Buffy sighed. One last time, she knew.

"I love you," Angel responded with the deepest sincerity Buffy thought possible. She took another breath and told him to close his eyes. Buffy kissed him one more time, a goodbye, before pulling her sword back into her two hands. But before she could finish the soul-crushing fact of her slayer duties, there was a snarl behind her. Buffy looked back to see the vampire, one she thought knocked out for much longer, running to push them. Angel gasped, grabbing her shoulders to push her out of the way, but the vamp was too fast. Together, the three fell into the Hellscape portal, closing it.

 _Descending to Hell._

* * *

There were voices that Buffy and Angel could hear. It called only her, but where she went, he went. When she was called, he was called. They didn't know why, but it didn't matter. Not where they were.

They had their own language, away from the cruel games of the demons that tortured them. Angel grabbed Buffy's hand as they felt the searing pain on both of their bodies. The Tortor. The Torturer. He had tools that, held by someone taking a deal to hurt instead of being like Angel and Buffy, inflicted the same movements. He didn't speak. He wasn't a beautiful creature; his eyes, dark grey but with no iris, were the most pleasing thing about him. He gripped an ancient knife in his fingers, which were continued with talons, ones that made it hard to tell where the claws began and his skin ended. He cut deeply in Angel's chest, paying special attention to him this time. Over a century the two had been there, grabbing each other's hand and, with their fingers, etching letters into the other's wrist as a way of communication.

If they weren't under a knife, they were in the maze. An ever-changing cave that had infinite dead ends filled with monstrous ways to die, and then come back to finish it. But at the end was only The Tortor. The walls would start closing in, so they had to choose a way to die. The fear of being closed within the cement walls seemed to terrify Buffy especially, and Angel longed to ask why, but the day in the Hellscape their mouths had been magically sown shut. They didn't make noise unless it was the scraping of their hands or feet against the ground.

But this time, there were voices. The Tortor looked up into the black, void Buffy and Angel called a sky. There was a confused and angry way about how he dropped his knife. His thin brows furrowed, and while he didn't make any sound either, it was as if the entire dimension could hear his rage. Buffy was lifted first, gravitating over the slab table. Her hand slipped out of Angel's, causing silent panicked screams to erupt between them. The Tortor had his own reaction; he tried to run after Buffy, but as he tried to jump and grasp for her, Angel started to rise. They began flying into the void faster. Angel caught up to Buffy and grabbed her hand.

There were seconds of pure darkness. Angel and Buffy, their hands entwined gripping tighter, moved closer, like swimming through puddles of air. Once they had touched, hugging each other closely, they fell. They hit hard onto the ground, and when they opened their eyes they were half-naked in a crypt. Buffy felt the faintest of recognition. Angel shuttered beside her, making Buffy realize she had been holding her breath.

They walked on their hands and knees around the small place; their minds were blank. Buffy wasn't sure she knew her own name. She only knew The Tortor and Angel. Soon it became obvious there was nothing there for them and they started to leave, slowly walking through a cemetery. Buffy heard a snarl. She swerved to look behind them, seeing something. For a moment, they weren't in a dark cemetery, but another crypt. Someone ran towards her.

Buffy hit the ground with a thud, her head narrowly missing a gravestone. "So," said a woman with a disfigured face. "The Slayer's back. Hey," she taunted, "you're not looking so good." The vampire was pushed over onto the ground before Buffy could blink. Buffy sat up on her elbows, watching as Angel tore open the vampire. Vampire, Buffy remembered. It was only a word, but now it had a face. Buffy felt something twitch on her face; he eyes and brows. She thought nothing of it as the vampire pushed Angel away. He flew through the air and smashed a gravestone into three. Buffy growled and lunged after the fleeing vampire.

* * *

"And what are the four most common ways to fix a basic gone-wrong spell?" Rupert Giles asked a red-headed girl who sighed. She waved her stake around like he could have seen Buffy Summers do. In utter border. His heart ripped open at the memory of the girl who'd died on his watch, the girl who was both a student, a friend, and unrelated family. Willow and Xander were the only reasons he hadn't delved off the edge at her death, probably because they made him feel as if she was just skipping a class and would be back later. Giles thought it was a mutual comfort between the three. It didn't mean he didn't have his nights where he would spend the rest of the day after school remembering and drinking. Giles had never been one to listen to health advice, anyhow.

"Giles, you know I know all this stuff already. When can I learn something exciting?" Willow asked him eagerly. He shook his head, remembering how so-called excitement had gotten Buffy killed. All because she had been chosen by some unidentifiable force that Giles now wanted to start a brawl with.

"It's too dangerous. You're too young, and - do you really want to learn magic on a Hellmouth?" Giles told her, again, irritably.

"Well, then," Willow sighed with the annoyance Giles radiated. "I guess it's a bad thing I tried to summon Buffy again." Giles looked up at the now shrinking girl.

"You _what_?" A large noise interrupted them. It sounded like animals fighting, big animals, but that was hardly the case in Sunnydale. Willow and Giles stood close to one another, peering slightly around a large line of trees. It was the only thing separating them from the sounds. Willow took a step back, gasping when she got her first clear look at the scene. Giles stared. And then he opened the holy water he had been holding in the biggest rush he had ever been in, grabbing the cross out of Willow's hands. He ran over to the vampire and the girl, a feral-acting girl. He threw holy water onto the vampire as the girl pinned her down and started slashing at her with her hands. "Get away from her," Giles shouted. The vampire yelped, and taking the advantage of the hissing and surprised Slayer, ran off. The Slayer fell onto her back with a pained sound.

Another person joined them as Giles gulped. He recognized him immediately; the same person that had been the cause ofBuffy's death. Giles felt rage stir inside him. He had never seen something so angering. "Buffy," Giles breathed, the hint of hysteria drenching his expression.

"Angel?" Willow, now standing beside Giles, asked with a mixture of fear and shock. But the two feral beings only panted, Angel, laying down next to Buffy in seeming exhaustion. Buffy stared at Giles and Willow until her own eyes closed into enriching darkness. Giles walked over to Buffy, the cross falling out of his hand. It fell on her arm. Buffy made a sleepy cry, steam rising from her skin. Giles looked at Buffy, picking up the cross hurriedly. He felt this world stop. Had he found her only to lose her _again_? _NO,_ Giles though with force, because if there was any way he could help it, Buffy would be the girl she had been the day she left to stop Angelous, if not changed. They would have her back.

* * *

Buffy and Angel woke up in chains, only a few feet away from each other. Angel woke up first, looking at a group of three teenagers and one old man. He looked at him - Buffy lay beside him, covered in a tank top. They were both covered in a blanket. Angel admired Buffy in her sleep, at peace in whatever dreamland she lay in. He glanced back at the group of people, glaring, as he lifted his chained hand to write letters on her arm. She woke before he could, twisting to stare at the old man. _Giles_ , she thought. Or rather, some voice in the back of her mind did. Buffy herself had no recollection what that meant or who these people were. She looked at Angel and looked him over for wounds.

"Okay, now that they're awake," a boy said, staring at Buffy. "What now?"

"Why am I here, again?" A brunette girl asked quickly, a fearful look on her. Angel slid to sit only a few inches in front of Buffy, feeling protective at their poking stares.

"Leave, then," the man snapped at her. "I'll... It's Saturday, you don't have school. Go to the library, grab the books around Alcatha and bring them here." The ginger nodded and pulled at the boy's arm, who grabbed at the brunette's. The man stayed behind, staring detesting at Angel. His gaze slid over to Buffy, however, and they softened in the most tragic way. Like a father seeing his daughter after her mind had been broken; like seeing someone, you loved turn into a stranger. Angel glanced at the blonde beside at him, who watched the man with an intense, confused expression. "Willow," Giles called quickly. The re-head came back into vision, peering at him questioningly. "I want you to do the spell I told you about - under my supervision," he added sternly at her pleased look. "We need to know if they both have their souls after... What happened."

* * *

Giles still won't give up Buffy, despite his better judgment.

"Giles," Buffy blurted. Xander, she had learned his name, looked up from the book he was reading. It had been a week since Buffy and Angel had come back from Alcatha's Hell. She hadn't said a word to anyone but Angel, and when she did they were simple.

"What?" Xander asked her. Buffy said it again. Xander ran out of the room, calling for a Cordelia. Buffy was still in the crypt Giles and the rest had put her and Angel in, but there were no more chains. Buffy laid her head back down, laying in Angel's arms. They had remembered their relationship, though they never spoke of it. It was some that didn't need words. He tightened his arm around her waist, though not much, and Buffy snuggled in. They were each other's anchors. Buffy was still accepting that she was not a hybrid, a slayer, and a vampire. It was hard at first when she'd realized she was no longer human in their century-long torment. Now it easier, knowing, especially after Giles had told her that it didn't mean she wasn't any less of the Slayer. Buffy felt Angel breath steadily on her neck. She wasn't sure they would be able to leave each other this time, even if one of the most dangerous things they could do was to stay together.

Buffy liked Giles the most, for an old person. He was like a dad. Buffy had only started remembering her birth father, her memories of her life before she and Angelous fought coming back in dreams. Nightmares, most of the time. Nightly patrols. Still, Buffy kept quiet and closed her eyes, remembering Giles' words the night Willow had told the group the that she and Angel still had their souls. _"Despite my better judgment, the Council was right. I do have a fatherly love for that girl, laying on the ground, so I don't care if she's changed, I'm going to help her."_

* * *

Buffy sat on the counter in the school's library. She smiled at Willow, who told her about things she had missed while she was "away." Buffy realized how much she had missed her best friend talk about her boyfriend troubles and lack of boyfriend troubles. Xander asked Giles a question, which seemed to bother him. It was a Xander question, no doubt. Giles walked away, cleaning his glasses as a sign of annoyance. He walked behind the counter Buffy sat on. As Willow finished her sentence, Giles started on.

"Oh, Buffy, there's something about Angel we need to discuss. I know you don't want to hear this right now, after just getting back into school and communicating with Joyce. But there is still the matter of the, um... Well, the curse." Giles looked up into Buffy's eyes, which looked drained of happiness. He knew that Angel meant much to her. Buffy's first love, in both ways. And it was so obvious he loved her the same, even in Angelous' state, his hatred for her made Giles believe that Angel could never stop caring for Buffy. If it hadn't been the dangers Angel introduced into both her life and heart, Giles might've jumped for them to be together. But until there were no demons lurking in the places that Angel lit up, and while Buffy might always enter willingly, Giles would never give his blessing.

"Wait," Xander spoke up, "I thought that was gone?" Giles blinked at Xander. Willow looked torn between uncomfortable and smug. "Yeah, in the hospital. Willow didn't have the curse _curse._ It was a different one, wasn't it?" Xander looked at Willow. Buffy wanted to hug Xander for being himself. He sometimes didn't notice the social cues others might, or would randomly add information, and it created the most memorable times in her life. Now, he was telling her that there was a possibility of being with the man that she loved and had quite literally been through Hell with.

Willow nodded quickly. Buffy almost burst out smiling at her best friends. "What do you mean?" Giles asked, taking his glasses off. Buffy had missed that, too.

"Uh, I mean, I didn't have all the instructions because of Jenny's, um, computer," Willow said slowly. "So, I..." Her voice grew soft, almost inaudible, under Giles' stare. "Substituted some stuff," Willow finished. "I kind of put his soul back without a curse, if that's possible."

Giles stared at her, impressed. Willow blushed. Buffy thought one of Willow's wishes were for her favorite teacher to notice her potential. And he just had. "Well," Giles blurted, "if that's true, and I'll certainly look into it, then you have a great power for someone with your experience and level. It appears I have been teaching you the wrong material," he told the red-head. Willow smiled her smile, the proud but awkward Willow smile that was too adorable not to love. It was one of the things that had caught Oz's eye, after all. It was a part of her charm.

"That is absolutely right," Buffy said loudly. "You should put her in an advanced class." Xander stopped eating the cookie he was chewing on. Giles' lips twitched upwards, smiling awkwardly at Buffy. She hadn't talked as much as she used to, so moments of free and pure instinctual comments were welcomed nostalgia. She was coming back, though, just as Giles said she would. The information Xander had shedded finally sunk in as she realized what he was smiling at. "Oh, my God!" Buffy sputtered. "Angel. When should I tell him?" Buffy looked at Willow.

"Never," Cordelia heard Xander mutter into his cookie. She rolled her eyes and spoke up. "The second you get out of school. You said he moved back into his apartment, right?"

Buffy nodded, but instead of listening to oddly helpful advice the girl gave her, Buffy smiled widely at her friends and librarian and ran out into the hallway.

"Uh, don't skip your classes," Giles called after her, like any parent. Willow nodded to Giles, following after Buffy.

* * *

 _Buffy pulled a blanket up higher as her eyelids started to close. Angel held her close on his bed. She'd convinced him to buy a small TV, and they stared at the little screen as people threw a ball to another on a field, and stadiums of people cheered._

 _"Can I tell you something?" Buffy said, barely more than a whisper._

 _"Anything," he replied, sounding equally asleep. Buffy turned on her side, looking at him._

 _"I don't know how I'm going to get through this. Being a vampire," she explained. "All my friends, family, are going to grow older while I stay the same. I don't think I want eternity," Buffy admitted. Angel looked at her, his expression soft. She remembered things he had confessed to her. How he had been alone, scared, more than regretful in the decades he was alone, contemplating if he should let the sunlight burn him into crisp._

 _"Don't let this define you," Angel said. She found herself eerily calm looking into his eyes, despite the darkness of the brown. "You're more than your powers, okay?" Buffy felt her lips curve at his words._

 _"I love you, okay?" She whispered against his skin, lightly kissing his jawline. Angel smiled against her, something pure and loveable._

 _"I love you too," he said, pushing the hair out of her face. There were more cheers coming from the TV, but Buffy stopped listening and curled into a ball between Angel and a pillow._


End file.
